Recently a friend had shared with me, how others were talking about me. They were talking about how I had changed, and how I was no longer the Gypsy they knew. As if to imply that it wasn’t a good thing.
Well, I will agree with whomever made that comment. With the exception that it is a positive change rather than a negative one.
I have always put others before myself and while sometimes that is a good thing, it can be detrimental to oneself as well. Everything requires a healthy balance. Sometimes we can get so caught up in, “doing” for others that we forget who we are in the process. Especially, when you’re a people pleaser like me.
This last year has been so challenging for me, however I have learned more about myself than at any other time. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, and with heartache comes wisdom.
All my life I have worried about what other people thought about me. I wanted everyone to like me. This people pleasing attitude kept me in bondage during ministry and just everyday life.
Because I had a heart to serve, people used me and I didn’t know how to say, “No”. I didn’t want to say no, even at the expense of taking away from my family, because then people wouldn’t like me. And I wanted everyone to like me. I poured my heart, my time, and my life into these, “church” people.
But when God began to reveal to me the bondage I was in by this religious spirit that held me captive, I began to break away, I began to seek more of God and less of, “Church.” Now I’m not saying church isn’t good. It absolutely is, however you need to have discernment to know whether or not you’re in a healthy church with healthy spiritual people.
But as it turns out, as time would soon tell, the people I poured myself into, didn’t “REALLY” care about me at all. They cared about what I could do for them. I let them put me in a box and as long as I said and did what they wanted, they were happy with me.
God is showing me that it isn’t about how many hours I serve or don’t serve. He loves me. Just me. No more and no less. But I have to say that I got to a point in ministry and my personal life where I had to walk away.
I was tired of being hurt. I was tired of being used. I was tired of the judgmental people who claimed to love Jesus, but the first ones to run you over when you fell. I was tired of the, “holier than thou” attitude. I was tired. I was sick and tired of people trying to be my holy spirit.
Those same people now, will tell others, “oh Gypsy isn’t the same, she’s changed, and you wouldn’t even know her.” And I have to say for once they are right!!
I’m not the same. I stopped caring what they think about me. I grew a pair and learned to stand up for myself! I have learned to say no. I have learned that not all people are going to like me or what I do and that it is perfectly okay.
I no longer let other people dictate my life, I no longer let people intimidate me. I don’t walk in fear, I am no longer depressed. I don’t need validation from other people to feel important. And people’s opinions of me whether good or bad do not determine how I feel about myself. For I serve an audience of ONE.
I am happy and I have peace in my life now. I have also learned through humble experiences to love people right where they are, sin and all. I have learned to keep my mouth shut and my judgmental thoughts to myself whenever they try and creep in and make me assume something about someone’s situation when I don’t have a clue!
So yes, I have changed. I have been humbled, I am wiser. I am stronger. And I walk in the freedom to be exactly who God created me to be, ME.
And it is my sincerest prayer that if you can relate to anything I have said, that you too will find the strength to change and walk in freedom of just being YOU.