How To Cope With An Unsaved Spouse

Do you live with an unsaved spouse? Are you struggling to stay spiritual in a home that isn’t? Do you beg your spouse every week to go to church with you? If so your not alone. These are all questions that we have faced or are facing. So I hope I am able to offer some hope and encouragement in regards to this subject.

The first thing I want you to know is don’t give up!! Even though I know you are frustrated and don’t know what to do. And sometimes truth be told it would be a lot easier to just give in and not live a Christian life, due to the problems and arguments it causes in the home. But again I say don’t give up!! That’s what the enemy wants.

You see I understand first hand this message, I lived it. Like many woman I got saved first and I will admit it was hard to come home to an unspiritual man. Its hard to raise your children according to Gods word when your mate is not saved.

It was very hard to stay positive every day when my spouse didn’t understand me anymore. I had changed, I didn’t like watching the same TV shows or listening to the same music. I suddenly became aware of every vulgar word and it would literally make my skin crawl and I would get so irritable when I would hear all that garbage coming from a show he was watching.

But the most important thing I learned about that season in my life, is you CANNOT make them do anything they don’t want to do! The more I begged him to go to church the less he wanted to. The more I tried to “preach at him” the less interested he was. I was so frustrated, so I just began seeking the Lord in prayer asking the Lord to help me change him.

Then one day there was a quickening in my spirit and I felt as if the Lord was telling me, “Be Still, don’t worry about him YOU cannot change him, only I can change him, pray him through.”

So I did. I quit worrying about him. I began focusing on my walk and just began treating him with more kindness, I didn’t preach at him anymore and I became more forgiving. I just prayed for him every night that the Lord would change him.

And Praise The Lord, it worked!! My husband excepted Christ in our living room. That was a few years ago now. It happened for us, it will happen for you too. Just don’t give up on him or her, love them into the kingdom, pray them through!

This is quoted from one of my favorite preachers, Pastor Jentezen Franklin his new book Right People, Right Place, Right Plan.

“Every marriage has an assignment. God didn’t put you together just to have sex, a house payment and a two car garage. When you enter the kingdom of God, you receive an assignment. Your children have a divine assignment and the enemy wants to abort it. That’s why divorce is so devastating; it not only affects the husband and the wife, but it destroys God’s assignment for the entire family.”

Remember that God has a plan for both of you, as a couple. Don’t allow the enemy to cause division. Trust God to take care of your mate, release them to Him and He will do the rest!

**There is a fantastic book out there called “Mission Possible” that will encourage you through Gods word and a powerful testimony of one woman’s struggle to serve God while her husband had nothing to do with God. Its a quick easy read but powerful. You can find it on

Be Encouraged and Be Blessed
-To God Be The Glory


10 responses to this post.

  1. Gypsy,
    My name is Deborah McCarragher and I have written a Christian women’s book titled “Mission Possible”. It is written for women who love Jesus, but their spouse doesn’t share their passion. I invite you to visit my website at and see what this book and my ministry is all about. My main goal is to share my personal testimony and give other women hope and encouragement in a situation many call “hopeless”. Do you review Christian books for your Blog? I would love to dialog with you about this much needed book. God bless…


    • Hello Deborah, Thank you for stopping by. Very nice website by the way. To be honest I just started this blog in January of this year, I had not really considered reviewing books. This is my first blog and I am just feeling things out.

      However being an avid book lover and future ( I pray) author:) I would love to review your book. I think it is a great idea and it seems God has given you a mission and I would be proud to help you on your journey to helping others.

      Let me know how I can help.
      Blessings to you


  2. Posted by Yvette on August 4, 2010 at 3:55 PM

    I identify with this so much except that this is a marriage after an affair. I mean that I had an affair with my now husband. I was married to someone else and he was in a relationship. I divorced my first husband just to be with my now husband. We have been married for 10 years and I have been saved 6 years now but he is not. I know he believes in God but he is not saved. What I really want to say is thank you for confirmation on my not “nagging” him about going to church and just worshiping with the family. What I can say is that he does not hinder me in any way from my worship God. I thank the Lord for that.


    • Hello friend and thanks for stopping by. You know really how you came into your new marriage isnt important anymore. You were saved and washed clean by the blood of the lamb, that sin never to be brought up again. Only thing is,,we have a hard time of letting it go. And the enemy loves to remind us of our past failures and then make us think that anything bad that happens to us in that relationship is our own fault or that we deserve it. Nonsense!! Be at peace sister…

      I am so happy this article brought confirmation. Living with an unsaved spouse is a difficult task no doubt. But I am so happy to know that he does not hinder you in any way. Thats how I felt. I just kept living and loving my God. I chose to be an example and when I quit nagging him he was alot more open. Now granted even though he is saved..thank you Jesus…

      He has not truly encountered Jesus. When that happens there is true change. Once you ever get the taste of the REAL thing, there is no substitute that can ever compare or fill that void. I applaud you for staying hungry after righteousness. Sister the best thing you could ever do is One: live by example and two: pray him through. You see prayer is so powerful,,,,and no one can stop you from praying so it stays effective and it works whether the person you are praying for partcipates or not.

      Be blessed in knowing that God hears your prayers..and He will not let you down. Continue to pray and even fast if you are able on your husbands behalf. Fasting does wonders. God bless you and keep you in his perfect peace always.~ Gypsy


  3. Posted by sarah cabibbo on July 9, 2012 at 8:26 PM

    i need a miracle i need my husband to finally accept Jesus and live for him i met him he was not a believer and i was cold but now i am living for God and still he has not accepted is been 13 years please pray he is agnostic and he just does not believe but sometimes he says the name i guess because i say the name and mention his name JESUS and he does not want for me to live and maybe that is why just to keep me shut help please/.


  4. Thank you so much for this article. This morning the Lord had me write an article about having an unsaved spouse however, I have not experience what it is like to be married to somone who is not saved. Your website gave me someone I can use as a reference for those who are dealing with this issue. Thank you!


  5. Posted by K Michelle on April 15, 2013 at 9:49 PM

    my husband is not saved. I got saved while married. I try to live out 1st Peter 3:1 but my husband is verbally abusive. he cheated and wee sight counseling but he doesn’t want to change. he’s not sleeping around. he even went as far as allowing me to Gps his movements. but he still entertains talking to women. I’m 5 months pregnant with our baby boy. we have a5 year old daughter and I am a stay at home mom. I feel stuck, trapped and I am weary. I have no where to go and no job or money and I just don’t know what to do.


  6. Posted by Jackie on July 6, 2013 at 3:44 AM

    I am a Christian and since becoming one in 1997, all I really wanted to do was serve God, and I would always pray and ask God only to bring a man into my life that loves Jesus. I then met my now husband, who led me to believe he was becoming born again, came to church, bible study, had Christianity Explained by my Pastor but once we were married he was not interested at all and said he was an agnostic and did not find what he was looking for. I told him that the reason for that was because he was really only trying to impress me (I see that now, at the time I did not). Anyhow, I am very, very unhappy with my Husband and really there is no love left to give (too long a story to tell it all), but I cannot put on a loving act to get my husband saved and just pray for him. It would be different if I was married first, then became a Christian but in actual fact I really went out of God’s will and look what happened “we shall reap what we sow” came true for me, and I am struggle street, spiritually and mentally every day. My heart would pant for the Lord like a deer pants for water, and now I feel dry and spiritually bereft. Has anyone out there is this big wide world been through the same situation as any advise would be grateful.


    • Posted by Tanya on May 13, 2015 at 9:12 AM

      I’m struggling with the same,Jackie. I too married an unsaved man. It is every bit of difficult and frustrating to deal with.


  7. Posted by Grace on April 30, 2014 at 12:05 AM

    oh how this sounds like my home and it is not a means to an end no matter how bleak it looks for me right now. Not only is my husband unsaved and at times pretty mean and the language does make me sick to my stomach, but our children did suffer so. Out of my lacking relationship and taking my children away from God’s house one of my children is in a same sex marriage and the other living with their mate and has a baby out of wedlock. I ask for prayer for my family!


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